My understanding of children’s behaviour has changed a lot over the years. Here are ten important points I have learnt along the way.
- Children need to DO AS THEY’RE TOLD!
- Children are not “their own Boss”! It’s the parent who is in charge.
- Children’s misbehaviour is usually just that, children misbehaving.
- Children misbehave for two main reasons – one, because they’re getting something out of it, and two, because they can get away with it.
- Attachment issues are hugely over-diagnosed and over-emphasised, and this can cause harm. For more information please see my blog on Attachment Issues [link].
- Behavioural diagnoses such as ADHD/ADD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Sensory Integration Disorder etc. can quickly become excuses for a child’s misbehaviour. This prevents us from addressing the behaviours and helping the child to behave better.
- A lot of the parenting advice from ‘so-called’ experts is based on flawed or misquoted research, or simply based on warm fussy popular opinion. This is unprofessional and makes the situation much worse. Please see my blog on Time Out [link] for an example.
- Parents of badly behaved children are mostly good parents that have been given bad advice.
- Adults have a hard time managing their emotions, so why do we expect children to manage it themselves. Children need parents to guide them and parents need the strategies to help their children.
- Consequences and punishment are an essential part of children learning how to behave. We have relied too much on reward programs and star charts and warm fussy positive reinforcement – bring back consequences for bad behaviour.
These ten points are an example of how complicated understanding children’s behaviour has become. It’s no wonder it’s a tough time to be a parent. Hopefully this blog will simplify some of it for those parents struggling with their child’s behaviour.
If you have concerns about your child’s behaviour, or about the advice you’ve been given, get in touch via the Contact Page, or make an Appointment to discuss your concerns.
For more information, you can also listen to my Permission to Parent Podcast.