After 20 years and over 20,000 appointments with parents and children discussing children’s behaviour problems, here are the top ten things I’ve learnt along the way:
- Children need to just DO AS THEY’RE TOLD!
- Children are not “Their own Boss”! You (the parent) are THE BOSS!
- Children’s misbehaviour is usually just that, children misbehaving.
- Children misbehave – because they can get away with it!
- It’s not all about Attachment Issues and Attachment Disorders– research shows ‘attachment issues’ are hugely over-diagnosed and over-emphasised.
- Behavioural diagnoses such as ADHD/ADD, ODD and Conduct Disorder often just become excuses for bad behaviour, and making excuses never helps anyone.
- Much of the parenting advice today, including from so-called experts, is based on flawed or misquoted research, and more often than not, it’s based on warm fussy popular opinion. This is unhelpful at best.
- Most parents with badly behaved children are good parents that have been given ill-fitting advice (or simply bad advice).
- If adults have a hard-enough time managing their anger, it’s foolish to expect children to be able too, especially young children. Parents need strategies to manage their children’s anger.
- Children need boundaries and consequences for their actions. Our job is to prepare children for the real word, where there are endless rules and huge consequences for breaking those rules.